The jokes
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
I wish my dad was home. I havenβt seen him since the shot of 2008.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is Β£1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.