The jokes

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.