The jokes

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

Who's the best at musical chairs?

Stephen Hawking.

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

Donald: "If I lose this election, I will leave the country."

Joe: "Bi den"

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?

Because women don't have rights.