The jokes

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line.

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

Why did the Lego cross the road? He was on the wrong block!

Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit on the rainbow.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?

Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.

Why did the impostor vent... to get to the other side?

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

What do you call the sky? Up high, high! AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

Q: Why did the math book look so sad?

A: Because of all its problems.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."