The jokes
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Memes
Meme:
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call a father.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.