The jokes
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Because it's the only time they are wanted.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"