The jokes
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Memes
Damn it I discovered digital art. Made this for my laptop lockscreen 😂 I drew the panda btw
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Because it's the only time they are wanted.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.