The jokes

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/

Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Why did the cookie cry?

Because its mom was a wafer too long!

"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."