The jokes
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To visit the ugly witch's house.
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
The chicken!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
Why did the orphan have an iPhone X? Because it didn't have the home button.
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?
Yo mama can be found on Google maps.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.