The jokes

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.

The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

Why can't Chinese people play football? They will eat the bat.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

She keeps on running from the ball.

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.