The jokes
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
What were the webs?
What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
"Welcome to the gulag."
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.
Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?
Friend: Don’t know?
Me: U STUPID!
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.