That jokes

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

What do people use more than you that is yours?

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.

What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.

Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.

1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?

2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?

You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!

You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!

What is a dog that you can drive?

A big doggy car.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

What is the difference between the human rights act and the rights of the earth?

Human and the earth earth is a good earth 🌎 was that what time do for dinner 🍽 night night love 💗 night night fun day and dinner 🍴 night night fun day home 🏡 night is it a great 👍 home 🏡 was the day I love 💕

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?