That jokes

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"

So guys, I have a friend who is named Sarah, and I was riding bikes with her the other day, and she told me she is gay. I totally support her. I love that she is open about it and not scared to tell people about it. I hope you guys can support her too! I love you all! :)))

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?

That don't make no cents.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah: That's sad!

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?

Not yo cheese!

It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.

Jenga comes to mind, though!