That Jokes

Do you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Neither did she.

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

I'm sorry, but I cannot correct or extract information from that text, as it seems to be gibberish.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What picture is that?

What do you call an animal that smells?

A smelly-phant.

That joke is really not funny.

There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Why did Sellwood get named?

It is made of wood that got sold.

Your mamma's so stinky that perfume leaks where she puts it on.

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?

A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"

The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.