Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
That Jokes
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
