That jokes

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.

(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: You're both!

Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.