What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Your hairline goes so far back that it stretches the length of Ohio.
