Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
What's that stupid girl in your class called?
Thot.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
my life, there that was the joke
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!
