That jokes

Poster

    • A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

  • 0

    • Tree

    • If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.

    DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!

  • 0

    • Joe mama

    • Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”

    That one kid putting Joe: -_-

    Teacher: Who’s Joe?

    The whole class: JOE MAMA!

  • 0

    • Chicken

    • Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

    P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

    P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

    P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

  • 2

    • Rampage

    • I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

    I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

    The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

    Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

    That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

    Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

    Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

    But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

  • 3

    • Sister

    • So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

  • 0

    • Alphabet

    • In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

  • 9

    • Shower

    • Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

    She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

    "S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

    They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

    "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

    "I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

    "Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

    "Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

    "No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

  • 0