That jokes
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.