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That jokes

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.

If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.