That jokes
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?
Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Fortnite is so bad that when you try to play, trash is always in your way. LOL
Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
What do you call a person that can't operate a wheelchair?
Stephen Hawking.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨