New Thanks Jokes - Page 2 - Worst Jokes Ever

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

It was a important knockout game for Al Nassr 🔥 I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play, It was my dream for a long time 🤩 I took a cab to the stadium but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead 😔 As soon as I entered the house I saw a ghost☠️ but the very next moment I realized its my idolo Ronaldo 🥳 Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me 😭♥️

* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

Frisk: One knife, plz.

Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

Waiter: You eat a knife?

Frisk: Yes.

*Waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: Here you go.

Frisk: Thanks you.

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car all the pricks are on the inside.

(Thanks to lostin Flowers cause this one is fucking funny)

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"

When God made Chinese he said "DON'T LOOK!" and the chinese said "why?" and God replied "You wont want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing"

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man he said "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES" and the white man said "Why?" and God replied "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you"

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said "there is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the holocaust said "all these europeans killed each other so a white genocide is accurate, white killed white"

Then the Chinese said "thank you we take your land now"

And the Jews said "but we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said "yes every time God show up you get bullied! you might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said "why are you chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the chinese said "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so dont go looky looky at the world then"

It turned out the chinese are very obediant to God.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers and orgasms. Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock

one day my friend said: i want tacos from Katie's, you? and i said no thanks and she left i never saw her again, today i remember that i saw her name on TV as one of the victems of suicide, then i remember her and I's moto: if i'm dieing you dieing with me you got no chouse, i NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

if a black person calls you a cracker, let them say you can say things they can't say like, "thanks for the warning officer"

I am a racist and i put my milk before cereal...well, to be honest that was when i had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some...then he left. Now when i see a black guy, I yell "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt"

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

thanks to the voice who keeps telling to let go he is my only motivation for trying again

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 32,” is the reply.

“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”

Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”

“I was behind you at McDonalds’."