Temptation jokes
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.