How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Game of Thrones season 8.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
