Technology jokes

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?

They both don’t work.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.

Religion crashes them.

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.

Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?

A booty call.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

How do butts communicate?

By using CRACK-BERRIES!

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

What kind of tests do rappers always pass?

Sound checks!

Why don't rappers ever get lost?

Because they always have BARS on their GPS.

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.

Why don’t rappers ever get lost?

They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat.

What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?

The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.

Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?