Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?
A booty call.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Kris is so dumb that his smartwatch went to NIGHT SCHOOL.
BlessedBrian’s sense of humor is like a GPS without signal... LOST and going NOWHERE.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
SLADE is the reason they invented the PAUSE BUTTON.
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.
How did the rapper find his missing phone?
He checked the track list.
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
