Teacher Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : *raises hand* Teacher : ... The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

Whats the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book? You can shut the book up

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sisters Jenga kit”

The principles office smells nice

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

Kid:Hey what’s black and sneaky! Social studies teacher:Harriet Tubman

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

Teacher: Describe a penguin

Student: Black, White, Beak

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered "Happy". The teacher said I didn't understand the test, I said to her that she didn't understand life

This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

Teacher: your bag is heavy what's in there!

Weird Kid: Magazines

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well