Talk Jokes

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"

what do you do when you get locked outside your house...... you talk to the lock. because communication is key.

2 pedophilles talking to each other: do you got 2 fives for 1 ten?

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom "bullets" we don't talk about this anymore

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

So little johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!

If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?

Little johnny smiled and said: A bus driver!

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?" The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

rizz

are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i

I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?