a man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili the waiter said "sorry sir this is a Asian restaurant". So he stretches his eyes and says "oh herro can i get some chiri".
me explaining my child : when your mom is sitting on a table in her periods, its called periodic table
I recently got kicked out of a casino because i apparantly misunderstood what the craps table was for
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
CIRCUMFERENCE
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man when I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: yes
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
Family all eating at the table Brother: hmm I think I feel gold Sister: stop the cap Brother look under the table and says “ nope just a gold digger” Dad laughed Step mom storms out of the room
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door....
Im 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedofile. I told him to fuck off this is our 10th anniversary
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? -- A pool table.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. the first cannibal says "you start at the bottom I start at the top" so they both chow down. about half an hour later, the second cannibal says "i'm having a ball" then than the the first cannibal says "than you're eating too fast"
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says "I'm hungry" The child looks at the father and replies "Hi hungry, I'm son" the father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
what do you call a cow with no leg
once i ate a table... it was food consuming
The KING took a shit on the craps table at the casino
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table 25+ kill streak
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son. We both drank them at the same time, and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
