Table jokes
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
Who’s the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
Circumference.
I make science puns periodically.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.