Supermarket jokes
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.
He never came back.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.