Supermarket jokes
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.
He never came back.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
ASDA.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"