Supermarket jokes

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.

I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.

He asks the boy, "What's she like?"

The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

They both have barcodes.

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.

ASDA.

Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.

Mom: Meet my boyfriend.

Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?

Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."