Suicide jokes

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

All you need is a razor blade in life.

How did a blonde commit suicide?

She jumped from the basement window.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

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