Suicide jokes

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!

Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

What place can you always find suicidal cows at?

"McDonald's."

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

Suicide gives you security for the future.

Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.