Suicide jokes

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.