New Suicide Jokes - Page 17 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Wanna suck my dick?

No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.