Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Emo

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

How many emos like anagrams?

Some.

What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?

Emold.

What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?

They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.

What do you call flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, let them cry in the dark.

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.

“Emo cake?” says the baker. ”What exactly is it?”

Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”

How do you pull an emo from a tree?

Cut the rope.

What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?

They’re both white and flavorless.

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks.

What do you call an obese emo teen?

An edgelord.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

How are cats and emos different from one another?

The cat still has 8 other lives.

Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?

They are playing Fruit Ninja.

What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?

Sonic the Edgy hog.

Why would the emo swallow a clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why are Emos still around?

Because the suffering never ends.

What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them.

What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

A toaster.

What is the favorite game of an emo?

Hangman.

Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?

So it could cut itself.

A group of friends started an emo salsa band.

They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.

What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?

Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.

Way

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

Pilot

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.

Priest

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Emo

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

Emo

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

Noose

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

Guy

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

Sister

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Depression

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Skill

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Reason

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

Orphan

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.