Success jokes
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
I got an F in science. F stands for Fantastic!
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
He was a head of his class... Mom always says, "Stay ahead!"
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick... and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.