Stupid jokes

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

Person 2: "What is it?"

Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

What does a sponge do?

It talks to Patrick.

What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobody. Nobody who? (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

Why did the strawberry cry?

Her mom was in a jam.

Wanna hear a joke? You.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."

I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might drum up an appetite!

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she’ll let it goo!

What did the sushi say to the bee?

"Wasuuubi!"

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.

Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"