Store jokes

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."

Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?

Because their dad never came home from the store.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

Why are orphans not allowed in stores?

Because else they would actually feel at home.

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

What's wrong with Asian pet stores?

There's no pets.

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

I like dicks... sporting goods.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...