Store jokes
A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.
"Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.
"Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"
"I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.
"Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."
"Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."
"Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"
"Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."
The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."
"Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."
The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What!?" says the man.
"Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."
"And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"
"Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."
"My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"
"Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."
"And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.
"No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman βyou're an ugly bitch.β
The mother grabs her son and says, βIβm so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
Memes
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Once youβve seen a shopping center, youβve seen a mall.
I went to the store and bought Minecraft Java Edition.
I found a village, burned it down, and then I went home and played Minecraft.
I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...
Me:...
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
Why did the emo go to the store?
To buy bleach.
Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?
Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!