Store jokes
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
DIS IS NUT FOR KIDS
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.
2 people bought plants.
3 people bought shovels.
1 person yelled.
3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.
1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁♀️🤦♀️
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.