Stop Jokes

I cant stop thinking about those beans

why did the hobo go back to the future.

to stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino macine.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11 My friend: how? Justin: Justin!

Knock knock

whos there?

Police

Police who?

Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Stop posting things on orphan jokes then!

Not to be rude or anything but im not adopted my bf is and some of these are really mean because sometimes there parents give them up just because there ugly or just because of there skin color We should stop making fun of them and yes i do gigle sometimes but they can be relay hurtful sometimes

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

(This isnt a joke)

There was a homeless family in need for a room. But, The guy said no more rooms because they were Homeless......... So, they got into a barn..... And, the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. And, Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, That little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How do you stop a baby from drowning, Take your foot off it's head.

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES! I was in a server, right? and ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just among us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING" I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY" I looked at my penis I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG

Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"

Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now this essay counts as the final grade for the semester, now do it or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100 and we'll start reading from there, do you all understand?

Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today ... do we?

Mrs. Lewis: Yes! Is today!

Andrua: It sounds boring and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way to much of instructions.

Mrs.Lewis : Anyway, let's get to work.

56 hours later.

Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your eassy. When I call your name Carl.

Carl: Why me. Yes?

Mrs.Lewis : What did you like about the story Carl?

Carl: Um ... I liked it when ... um ... um ... um ... um ...

Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's to busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!

Carl: Jeklen shut up and stop biting your hair.

Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.

Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?

Carl: Will, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so ...

Vronica: For real!

Carl: Mhmmm

Mrs.Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!

Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.

Mrs.Lewis: Yes?

Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?

Mrs.Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!

All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!

Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?

Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the bordom!

Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee

Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11 ... I think ...

Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.

Oh sorry ... I think.

Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?

All students: That not a thing!

I never heard it ...

Mrs. Lewis: Will, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!

Khloe: Why?

Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.

Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?

Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!

Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...