Still jokes

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

Why did the rapper sit on the stool?

Because he had too much FLOW to stand still!

Sex is like pizza.

When it’s hot, it’s great.

When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.