i beat up a failed musician until he started crying. i thought a few hits would cheer him up!
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves. Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
Fat jokes and mom jokesđ
1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."
2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. Heâd have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.
3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."
4. Your mamaâs so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."
6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, âI want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.â I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/oâs, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which Iâm all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child âShut up you Donkey!â The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said âNo my dear, tomorrow.â That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling âGoal! Goal!â For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing âSpider-Man Spider-Man!â. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing âUnder the toilet, under the toiletâ. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, âShut up you Donkey!â The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, âDo you want me to slap you?â The boy said, âNo my dear, tomorrow.â This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling âGoal! Goal!â The teacher dragged him to the principalâs office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing â Spider-Man Spider-Man!â She asked him where he lived so he sang âUnder the toilet, under the toiletâ.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Blonde starts new job at local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.... The gentleman has a good look round before saying to the blonde 'it looks perfect....But Cargo space?' To which she instantly replied 'Oh I'm Sorry sir, Car only for road.
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldnât wanna call black person neighbor
You really thought n****r
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.
What makes 9/11 an inside job? Someone started calling it 10/7.
I saw a kid sitting on the side of and asked if he was an orphan, âwhat gave me away?â âWell your parents for a startâ
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing. The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor. In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Donât you hate it when you are driving in a school zone, and the speedbump starts screaming?
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.