Star jokes

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

Girl: How much do you love me?

Me: Count the stars in the sky.

Girl: Aww, it's infinite!

Me: No, just a waste of time.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?

"I am your father."

James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*