Sports jokes

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

Why can't Chinese people play baseball?

They eat the bat.

Why don't orphans play football?

They can't find home.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know what a home is.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country.

P = Person (not original "pun")

P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!

(Communications with this person are now blocked)

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Want to hear a joke?

Ohio State football.

What sport are Mexicans the best at?

Cross country.

Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.

You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?

Cross-country.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Why do cheetahs always win the race? Because he cheats, duh!

Why do Indians like basketball?

Because Steph Curry plays it.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?

Me: Because they can't get a homerun.

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.