This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me
Yesterday I purchased a world map And told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands I will take her turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross? Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter Vacation.
Why did the rapper go broke?
He kept dropping DIMES
Spend all night in a dark humour webpage
Go to orphanage today and read it to them And I'm sure if you go to school for disabled children, they should understand it
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama can I giwve mwy spare money to him. 🤗 and my mum sais yes so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS we go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs. Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune." Im a banjo picker and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Why did the clock went out to the gazebo? To spend some time out .
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf. Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the psg training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE🤬😡
Mommy Is a YouTube she can never spend time with me
if yall gotta crush on me tell me now before my dad spends my valentines money on crack and alcohol
What do you call two emos spending time together? Hanging out.
why do Pepole have a all of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time
Watching paint dry sounds like a THRILL compared to spending time with SLADE
i gave an orphan 5 dollars and i said "spend it on a candy bar" i came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. so i look over and i see that he has a piggy bank that has 40$ and i said where did you get that? he said for being homeless, and i said what are you going to spend it on he looked at me and said "i'm going to pay money for a mother."
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer but then I realized I do that myself."
