Sons jokes

RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?

What did the Deagle say to the G17?

"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

What do you call your son?

An mistake.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

This is how animals were named.

"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?

"Bison. Perfect."

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!

Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!

Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...

Mom:....

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

How did the Java programmer's son get rich?

Because of inheritance.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I’m blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?

Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.

Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.

Mom: Well, it’s my house.

Little Johnny: Then go clean it.

Mom: Go to school!

At school:

Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.

Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.

Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!