Sons jokes
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What did the Deagle say to the G17?
"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.