Sometimes jokes
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.