Sometimes jokes

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

I bought a horse and named him Mayo.

Sometimes Mayo neighs.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?

She slurs her words...

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

Sometimes orphans can't win spelling bees because they don't know how to spell "home."

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?

Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.