Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick



i told my mom that i have a crush she replied with: “so u like girls” i said: "uhm no no no " BUT im lesbian someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??



Why did sally fall of the swing-someone chucked a brick at her. Why did sally through a clock out the window-she had brain damage from the brick.



How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They’ll tell you.



Why do orphan girls become prastatutes?

So they can call someone daddy



I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone


Weird and funny. Kenya and Tenya Bailey.

Funny things or weird things to say to someone. Hey…have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone. Its hard to find friends that 91% Funny 100%Nice and 100,0000 % good-looking. Funny! Weird name to call a girl: Sweetums. Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins. Lumpy. Nilly. Ninty Minty. and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Gross thats why I am not getting a bf!



A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says “WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE” well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says “mate you don’t have enough bullets”



How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.



At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”



Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father



What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-ecutioner.


Little Johnny


Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said “lets play a game”. so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says “A” little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself “well he might say something like a$$” so the teacher calls on sally. sally say “apple”. the teacher says “B” little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though “no he might say something like b!tch”. so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says “R” little Johnny raises his hand and say “me me please I really know one”. then the teacher thinks to herself “well theres no cuss word that starts with R” so she said “ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R” little Johnny says “a rat!” and the teacher very pleased say “very good Johnny what type of rat” little Johnny says “A big gosh damn mother freaker”. sorry I had to edit some word but y’all know what I meant.



Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.

When he was asked why he did it, he responded, “You don’t know someone until you walk around in their skin.”



a conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor’s stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn’t die and he replied, “I’m a bad conductor”


Orphan Killer

Why Did The Orphans Like Church So Much? So They Had Someone To Call Father…



So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE,”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.



someone eats glew and tells the other, “Sorry, cant stick around.”



Why did the orphan go to church?

So that they had someone to call father



I was given my Electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me cauz I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up too.