Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Because she had no arms”
“Why could she get up off the ground?” “Because she had no friends”
“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Not Susie, she’s still on the ground”
“Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?” “Everywhere” “Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?” “Because it was in a different body bag”
“Why did Susie drop her ice cream?” “She was hit by a bus”
“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Someone threw a refrigerator at her”
Someone butt dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, “okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet”. Johnny didn’t know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, “Mamma, what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mom doesn’t notice him standing there and says, “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now-” So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, “Tommy what’s the Second letter of the alphabet?” His brother doesn’t notice him and says, “I’m Batman”. So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, “Grandma what’s the third letter of the Alphabet?” The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!” Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, “Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?” “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now” - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I’m Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!”
Later that day he understands what happened and can’t tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
don’t break someones heart because they only have one, instead break there bones… they have 206.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Ok so km bored depressed and lonley someone wanna talk…
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. … I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
when someone says to cheer up:
you, I never thought of that. :) -> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game and here in this world we are here for each other although at times it might not seem like it. keep strong and you’ll find the end of the tunnel but ending the pain and bieng gone just spreads depression.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the corona virus? When someone sneezes every one shits they’re pants
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids
What’s the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
When does a skeleton laugh? When someone tickles his funny bone!
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw
if someone calls you dirty minded just say
You are dirty minded as well if you understand what im saying
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Why do Orphans become Hookers? They can call someone daddy.
Someone at school judged my grammar. I judged theirs by the terms “school” and “rifle range” being mixed up the next day.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news?” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…