Someone Jokes

Dyslexia

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Daughter

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

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  • Dark Humor

    If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

    Double whammy.

    Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

    Turtle

    A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

    "Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

    The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

    Skeleton

    What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

    Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. ๐Ÿ˜

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  • Suicide

    When someone tells me to kill myself,

    Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

    Word

    Guys, donโ€™t let nobody hurt you with words.

    Like someone once said, โ€œSticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.โ€

    Toilet Paper

    Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

    When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

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  • School

    Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?

    Tower

    Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

    Kid

    Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

    Mum: See the four birds over there?

    Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

    Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

    Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

    Funeral

    Itโ€™s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. โ€œNo,โ€ says the neighbor. โ€œThe seat is empty.โ€ โ€œThis is incredible,โ€ said the man. โ€œWho in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?โ€ The neighbor says, โ€œWell, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we havenโ€™t been to together since we got married.โ€ โ€œOh, Iโ€™m so sorry to hear that. Thatโ€™s terrible... But couldnโ€™t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?โ€ The man shakes his head. โ€œNo,โ€ he says. โ€œTheyโ€™re all at the funeral.โ€

    London

    Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

    Poor bastard.

    Fruit Ninja

    I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

    The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

    Cup

    What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.

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  • Orphan

    If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

    Double!

    Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

    Triple!

    Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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