Someone jokes
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
can someone please tell what happened?
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.