Someone jokes

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

I was going to join the debating team.

... but someone talked me out of it.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

can someone please tell what happened?

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!

A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.

Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.