Someone jokes

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

Why do orphans go to church?

Why?

To finally call someone "father."

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Orphan: Help, I'm lost.

Someone: Wears your parents.

Orphan: >:(

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?

Josef Vasicek.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?

I was going to join the debating team.

... but someone talked me out of it.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

can someone please tell what happened?

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.