What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
"Hey, what does IDK mean?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, then I am going to ask someone else."
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
911.
911 who?
You said you would never forget.
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?
Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.
What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
