Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
