Someone jokes
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Real
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?